Handouts for Carnaval 2013 (English version)

A Short History of the Mormon Faith

Aday Smith, founder of the Mormons

One fine day in 1821, the young Aday Smith was walking through the forests of Guimar when the Angel Guacimara appeared before him. She directed him to a spot in the forest where the sun reached. Suddenly a cave entrance opened up before his eyes. The angel directed him to enter, and said:

If you take the right path, you will discover 96 enscribed golden plates. These plates have been buried by God. They describe, in the reformed Egyptian language, the history of the lost tribe of Israel and how this tribe traveled through Middle Earth for 140 years, provided with sustenance by God, until reaching the labyrinth of natural tunnels underneath the great Teide volcano. The tribe arrived to Tenerife in the year 838 BC. Go now and let yourself be guided by your Guanche ancestry.

Aday found the plates, taking a route that he later discovered exactly matched this Guanche petroglyph:

Aday, during Divine Inspiration Thursday, translated the plates from Reformed Egyptian, and thereby founded the religion of the Church of the Seven Island Saints, otherwise known as Mormons. He then returned the golden plates to the caves, except for one, which he took to the Compra Oro shop. This money provided for the construction of the First Church of Mormon, in Santa Cruz. (This church was later burned to the ground during the attack on Tenerife by Horacio Nelson.) The Angel Guacimara tambien dirigió que Aday construyera una pequeña casita en Sauzal, pero la población del Saucal enrabiaron del gusto de la casa. Emplumaron a Aday, y él y sus seguidores tenía que huir a La Victoria.

The Angel Guacimara appeared to Aday Smith on numerous occasions. On one early visit, she told him to cast his seed far and wide to propogate the Mormon faith. Aday followed her instructions and took on three wives in addition to his first wife.

Guacimara told Aday that all converts to the Mormon faith should do likewise, saying that their god would provide with fertile wives.

There are some who have cast doubts on the Mormon scripture. For example, they have referred to the passage “when oxen ploughed the fields”, saying that oxen did not exist in Tenerife during ancient times. It must be understood, however, that the bible is full of metaphors, that it was not literally oxen, but bands of lizards who were harnessed to work the land by the lost tribe of Israel. Others have said there is no Middle Earth tunnel linking Israel to Tenerife, however in February 2014, Jacob Gollum made a remarkable discovery of ancient unleavened bread crumbs and olive pits deep in the recesses of the Cueva del Viento.